| | Tonight I spoke with my father and afterwards I was very
depressed. He says that he'll never accept Travis. He
mentioned that we might end up drifting apart, like my two
half-sisters; just because he can't learn to accept their different way
of life. They're not Mormon and never will be and now I am not
Mormon and have no plans of going back. This is hard on my father
and mother, because they were just sealed in the temple with their
family. In the LDS religion, this means that they will be
together forever after they die with God. It's a huge committment
and I won't be joining them. I could go to another heaven.
In the LDS religion, after you die you go to Spirit Paradise or Spirit
Prision, depending on your actions and your heart after you die.
Then when the final judgement day comes (2nd coming of Christ), you
will be judged and sent to one of three kingdoms or outer darkness. The
three kindgdoms of Heaven are, in descending order, Celestial,
Terrestial, and Telestial - also known as degrees of glory. Oh
yeah, then there's outer darkness. Well, if you are not sealed to
your family, you can end up going to another kingdom. I don't
know how that works out. It's a big deal for the Mormons.
He did say two things that hit me like a stone. He said, "you are
kind for loving me", and "If I could go back and change things, I
would." I could hear over the phone he was getting
misty-eyed. He has a hard time accepting that I'm not Mormon
anymore. I'm different. I've always been fascinating by
others' beliefs; simply because they believe in it, hold it dear to
their heart, and their beliefs give them meaning and purpose in life. I
respect that and I am happy that others have found meaning and purpose,
even if it's not through the Mormon church. I want to learn about
Buddhist teachings and why they do what they do. I respect any religion
that respects all human beings.
I spoke with Travis afterwards and he said he is still learning to
accept and forgive his father for some of the things he's done.
They simply do not see eye to eye on many things. Travis said the
fact that he said some of the hurtful things that he did, means that he
cares and is concerned for him. The opposite of love is
indifference (or apathy). My dad cares for me a lot. otherwise he
wouldn't be saying some of the things he does say to me.
Travis and I respect my mother so much for striving to be a mother and
having such a difficult time. I've never seen my dad the same
way. Probably because I don't know him very well. I have a
hard time seeing the progress my dad has made, because many of his
actions seem irrational. He says he's going to change, but is so
inconsistent that it's hard to believe him. With my mom, she
never made so many promises that she couldn't keep, but said I love you
and am trying to be a good mother, even though she has panic attacks
when making dinner and planning. She has improved over the
years. With my mother, she told me her will, her intentions, and
I saw her see many things through with patience. My dad's an
impatient person, but is becoming more patient through the years.
Today I ate sushi at To Dai in Redmond, Washington. It's
expensive, but very delicious. It was for my friend's birthday
party. Then afterwards Travis and I washed the car and went to
the movies. I saw Batman Begins and Bewitched. I enjoyed
them very much.
Thanks Amy for telling me you read my online journal. It has motivated me to write again.
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| | Posted 7/2/2005 11:26 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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